Never, Never, Never, give up

Yesterday I saw the lion king of broadway. Awesome

but I came home last night not feeling too well, I thought it was maybe because I needed some sleep but I knew there was something more to it, and as I was laying in my bed last night thinking, I realized it was because I wasn't looking forward to Monday at all. I dont' know what it is but in this season of my life I have never looked forward to mondays - now that's not to say that I haven't made the most of my mondays and didn't appreciate them, it just means that I knew that the week was starting again - another week at a school I don't enjoy being at, another week of hours upon hours at work. This is not me complaining, this is just how life is for me in this season and I've come to accept that wholeheartedly. But something I kept racking my brain over with yesterday was why? I understand why all this happening, I understand that I am preparing for my future, I understand that this is all for my good, I understand that this is my time to be alone and figure out who am I so - why do I still have these disheartening feelings inside?

It's one of the biggest struggles when you know something to be true, but it seems as if everything is coming against you to tell you otherwise. I think it's something that applies to so many areas of our lives but especially in the area of discipline. When we know we need to be diligent and steadfast in the Lord yet our flesh and our desires tell us otherwise. It comes up with our desires to be persistent and not giving up as well. Knowing in the heart of your hearts that you can't give up, yet having your flesh and the world telling you it's not worth it or that there is something better for you.

I woke up this morning with a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and it wasn't anything physical, I knew it was more emotional and mental. I took out a pen and a piece of paper and started writing what was on my heart from the moment that I had opened my eyes

I am sorry, I am sorry, for failing constantly
I am fighting, I am trying, I am dying to be freed
Lord I love you, Lord I know you are the only one for me
yet I struggle, yet I fail to grasp the road you've paved for me
Help me hold on, Help me stand firm in the promise of your word
Help me realize that in all things you are working for my good
Lord I know it, Lord you've proved it, search my heart, do not delay
to show your kindness, to show your mercy, to your servant on this day
Thank you for love, Thank you for your, heart to deal with me
I am willing, I'll keep striving to where I need to be

Ben Thomas
Untitled 8:10 AM 11.8.10

This is my prayer today...why am I sharing? Because maybe it can be yours as well.

If you've grown weary, If you're tired of the way things are, if it seems as though everything is coming against you, and there's too much for you to do to get yourself where you need to be, don't give up - because that's exactly what Satan wants you to do

Never, Never, Never, give up

- Ben Thomas